A spy into my life: the pressure to look good

No I know for sure: I want to be fitgirl. So a week ago (oops, I’m quite running behind with the diaries) I tried Cross Fit. Hellelujeh. And an attempt to detox and I failed. Because if I see that instagram profiles of all those hip fitgirs, Kayla and I know who else, this should be working, right? Get Fit? But I find it difficult. So I eat normally again (meaning bread in the morning). For weeks I started my day drinking smoothies (until the blender broke) and I continued ‘just’ spinning. Crossfit, I’m going to think about that. It’s pretty expensive, but boy what a great feeling afterwards. When you’re passing your boundaries (and ofcourse can’t walk for 3 days = not a good feeling).

But it is heavy. I ask myself regulary: is it hard because I’m already a thrity something senior? ;-) Is there no energy left in my body? Have I used it all in my twenties? About three years ago I was really fit. I weighed 6 kg’s (13lb) lighter than now, went to spinning classes three times a week until I started living together with my boyfriend (yes girls, great danger to your weight because suddenly you have good food in the house).

Anyhow I swing between some kilo’s for years. Terribly bad, but it is like it is. During my teenage years, I participated in the Dutch championships for trampolin. Wanting to be fit was always in there. But now, as boardsports blogger can I call myself that? I feel even more pressure. On my surf Go Pro video, most girls see a girl who enjoys surfing, I only see my flabby cellulite thighs. And in about 2.5 months I’ll be going to Peru. I’m already worried about how I’m going to look at the beach. I have to do at least a beach photoshoot for the blog, right? And of course I want to surf (after I’ve done extensive ocean + shark research, note to myself). Well, it has its advantages, a blog, I’m going to work harder on my body. But I can also skip shoots. Or just accept myself ;-) Real and for me that is a little less fit then I want to be.

Occasionally you need that moment to complain here. Fortunately there are diaries or blogs, so you have at least the feeling that you talk to more than just a book. And you show others that you are not alone with this problem, right?

Outfit / Hat – Asos, Coat – H&M

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